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Jokes
 
Jokes / Astronomy Jokes
 
Stranded On a Desert Island
A man stranded on a desert island comes across a woman who has washed up onto shore. The man helps the woman and welcomes her to the island. 

Later on that day, the woman says, "I don't suppose you smoked before you were stranded on this island, did you?"

The man explains that he did smoke before becoming stranded on the island. So, the woman produces a cigarette from her bag, and they enjoy a smoke together.

A little later, the woman says, "I don't suppose you drank before you were stranded on this island, did you?"

The man explains that he did drink before becoming stranded on the island. So, the woman produces a flask from her bag, and they enjoy a drink together.

Some time later, the woman says, "So, you've been on this island for ten years without a woman, huh?"

"That's right," says the man.

The woman continue, "I don't suppose you'd like to play around?"

"Good God lady," exclaimed the man, "you have a set of clubs in that bag too!'
 

Dog Style
 
Two guys are walking down the street and see two dogs going at it in someone's front yard.

The first man says, "I always wanted to do dog style like that, but my wife would never go for it."

The second man replied, "Why, that shouldn't be a problem. Just loosen her up with a few beers first."

When they met the next day, the second man asked, "Well, how'd it go?"

"Rotten," replied the friend. "It took me a twelve pack just to get her onto her knees in the front yard."


A drunk

A drunk walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

So, the bartender does just that, and hands the man the bill.

The drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street.

The very next day, the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."

The bartender figures that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt. He pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself, and hands the drunk the bill.

Again, the drunk says, "I haven't got it."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street.

The next day, the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill."

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?"

The drunk replies, "Nope! You get too violent when you drink."

 

21 inches

These three were scrambling for cash to pay their bar bill. The bartender says, "Forget the bill - if the three of you can show me 21 inches, I'll pick up the tab."

The three guys all looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and agreed.

So, The first guy pulls his out his 10 inch 'blue-veined diamond scratcher.' Then, the second guy pulls out his 10 inch 'one-eyed dragon slayer.' All eyes are now staring at the third guy. He unzips his pants and pulls out his 1 inch 'member.' They all have a good chuckle and then leave the bar.

When the three fellows get to their cars, the first guy says, "You guys were lucky that I had 10 inches."

The second guy says, "Yep, well you guys were lucky that I also had 10 inches."

The third guy says, "true, but you were all lucky that I had a stiffy."


Hi ho Silver

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?"
The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?"
The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don't look too good."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink. It is then he notices that there isn't a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down. Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey.
After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that outside?" Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, "That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?" "Nothing," replies the cowboy, "I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running."


 
 
 
 
 
 
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