/ Astronomy Jokes
Joe and Jim were out
cutting wood, and Jim cut his arm off. Joe wrapped
the arm in a plastic bag and took Jim to a surgeon.
The surgeon said "You're
in luck! I'm an expert at reattaching limbs!
Come back in 5 hours." So Joe left and
when he returned in 5 hours the surgeon said
"I got done quicker than I expected. Jim
is down at the pub." Joe went to he pub
and there was Jim, throwing darts.
A few weeks later,
Joe and Jim were cutting wood again, and Jim
cut his leg off. Joe put the leg in a plastic
bag and took it and Jim back to the surgeon.
The surgeon said "No
problem, but legs are a little tougher. Come
back in 8 hours." Joe left and when he
came back in 6 hours the surgeon said "I
finished early, Jim's down at the soccer field."
Joe went down to the soccer field and there
was Jim, kicking goals.
A few weeks later,
Jim had a terrible accident and cut his head
off. Joe put the head in a plastic bag and took
it and the rest of Jim to the surgeon.
The surgeon looked
at the situation and said "Gosh, heads
are really tough. Come back on 12 hours."
So Joe left and when he returned in twelve hours
the surgeon said regretfully "I'm sorry,
Joe said "I understand
- heads are tough."
The surgeon said,
"Oh no! The surgery went fine! Jim suffocated
in that plastic bag."
A dietitian was once
addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The
material we put into our stomachs is enough
to have killed most of us sitting here, years
"Red meat is awful.
Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese
food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous,
and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused
by the germs in our drinking water.
"But there is
one thing that is the most dangerous of all
and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone
here tell me what food it is that causes the
most grief and suffering for years after eating
A 75-year-old man in
the front row stood up and said, "Wedding
An artist asked the
gallery owner if there had been any recent interest
in his paintings which happened to be on display.
"I have good news
and bad news," the gallery owner replied.
" The good news is that a gentleman inquired
about your work and wondered if it would appreciate
in value after your death."
"What did you
say?" questioned the artist.
"When I told him
it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
was your doctor."
One day, a man walks
into a dentist's office and asks how much it
will cost to extract wisdom teeth.
the dentist says.
"That's a ridiculous
amount," the man says. "Isn't there
a cheaper way?"
dentist says, "if you don't use an anaesthetic,
I can knock it down to $60."
too expensive," the man says.
the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and
simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers,
I could get away with charging $20."
the man, "it's still too much."
the dentist, scratching his head. "If I
let one of my students do it for the experience,
I suppose I could charge you just $10."
says the man, "book my wife for next Tuesday!"
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